Jimmy (Matthew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) live in London and things are not going well. Jimmy is dumped by his girlfriend Judi (Lucy Gaskell) and Fletch is fired from his job as a clown because he punched a child. They decide to get away from it all and hike to a remote village in Norfolk that they found on an old map. In the village, they see a bunch of attractive female students leaving a pub.

They enter the pub, hoping to find more, but there is only a bunch of old men and a crazy vicar (Paul McGann) who is certain that Jimmy is the long-lost descendant of a famous local vampire slayer. Having a drink, they learn that the girls they had seen were going to a cottage for the night. Jimmy and Fletch go off after the van and catch up because the van breaks down, and they are introduced to four girls—Heidi (Tiffany Mulheron), Lotte (Myanna Buring), Anke (Louise Dylan), and Trudi (Ashley Mulheron). They are invited to a party.

Eventually, they learn that there is a curse on the village, in that every female child turns into a lesbian vampire on her 18th birthday. Long ago, it seems, the Vampire Queen Carmilla (Silvia Colloca) appeared on the night of a Blood Moon, killed all the men and seduced all the women. When Jimmy’s ancestor, Baron Wolfgang McLaren returned from the Crusades, he discovered that his wife Eva (Vera Filatova) was one of them, so he forged a sacred sword and killed Carmilla. Before dying, she cursed the village, and when the blood of the last McLaren mixes with a virgin’s blood, she would be resurrected to power.

Fletch and Jimmy spend the night. Lotte is becoming attracted to Jimmy, and she is a virgin. Heidi and Anke are turned into vampires first, but it happens to them all, one by one, and some are killed. Jimmy’s ex-girlfriend arrives, having found out that her new boyfriend is married, and sleeps with Jimmy, but she has already been turned. At the church, the Vicar researches the story, as Fletch and Jimmy kill the girlfriend. The reincarnated Eva discovers that Jimmy is the descendant of the Baron and she kidnaps Jimmy and Lotte.

The Vicar saves Fletch from Trudi. The Vicar and Fletch try to save Jimmy and Lotte in the Vicar’s crucifix-covered car, and search for the Sword of Dylldo. The Vicar’s daughter Rebecca (Emer Kenny) has turned and is impaled on the sword but Fletch decides not to tell the Vicar. At Carmilla’s tomb, Lotte declares her love for Jimmy. The vampires begin to resurrect Carmilla. Lotte kills Eva with her cross necklace. Fletch is captured but Jimmy pierces Carmilla’s heart. The three survivors vow to rid the world of evil. In the distance, a Gay Werewolf howls.

The film was directed by Phil Claydon and written by Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield. It is quite dumb and silly but has a raunchy British charm. It was influenced by Ghostbusters, but it’s not Ghostbusters by a long shot. The vampires turn into slime instead of dust or flame because it’s funnier. Reviews, of course, were universally negative, but it won the Audience Award for Best Feature Film at the San Sebastian Horror Festival, whatever that is.

It all began with a challenge to think up the dumbest and yet most commercial film title, and suddenly there was a script. James Corden said that this was the only film he would go back and not appear in, if he could, and for James Corden, that’s something. It has been called profoundly awful, surprisingly dull, one dimensional, 87 minutes too long, and a 15-year-old boy’s idea of a great night at the movies. That was from critics on Rotten Tomatoes. There were no audience reviews, possibly because nobody would admit to having seen it.

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